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Be here now.
The solution is mindfulness, a practice that is embraced by just about every religion and sacred tradition and that’s crucial for spiritual growth. “Mindfulness centers your mind in the present, rather than letting it wander to the hopes of the future or the regrets of the past, “ Domar explains, “Being mindful means appreciating what you have rather than longing for what you don’t have.”
If you’re impatient, chances are your family was too—the trait seems to be both inherited and learned. But you don’t have to spend the rest of your life tapping your foot. Here are some experts’ suggestions for taming impatience.
Leave enough time to do what you need to do. You’re most likely to become impatient when you’re running late. “If I’m not in a hurry on the freeway and someone wants to change lanes in front of me, it doesn’t bother me a bit,” says Fred L. Miller, a personal and corporate coach and author of How to Calm Down. “But if I’m late for work and someone cuts me off, fight-or flight takes over.” Remember Murphy’s Law. If something can go wrong, it will – especially when technology is involved. This means that if you are planning to e-mail a report to your boss five minutes before you leave for the day, the server will inevitably be down and you will have to wait an hour to send it – and then rush like crazy to get to your Pilates class on time. “We get incredibly frustrated because we have readjusted our expectations based on the assumption that technology will always be there and functional, but it often isn’t,” says psychologist Catherine Chambliss. Accept that some things are out of your control. If you find yourself waiting for the same chronically late person time and time again, have a talk with her; she may be unaware of her behavior. If that doesn’t work, just plan on her always being late and adjust your schedule accordingly. That way, you won’t be frustrated and impatient, and if she’s actually on time, she can wait for a change. Put your actions in perspective. The next time you’re tempted to blow through a yellow traffic light, think about what you’re risking just to save a few seconds. Stepping back and putting your actions into perspective can make obvious to you how dangerous impatience can be. Take a breather. When impatience starts to surge, take three deep breaths to cal yourself. “This is a basic relaxation technique that you can do with your eyes open and while gripping the steering wheel,” Miller says. Talk to yourself. Instead of yelling at the driver who cut you off, use self-talk, recommend psychologists Matthew McKay, Ph.D., and Peter Rogers, Ph.D., co-authors of the Anger Control Workbook (New Harbinger Publications, 2000). Tell yourself things like “Just stay cool; getting pissed off won’t help” and “This is just not worth getting upset about.” Use a talisman. In your pocket, keep something – a small stone, a string of beads—that serves as a physical reminder of your desire to be patient. When you feel impatience bubbling up, touch your talisman. Take a sensory vacation. During calm moments, close yours eyes and use sensory memory to immerse yourself in the sights, sounds, smells and feel of a beautiful place – a mountain peak, a sunny beach, a cool forest. Then, in impatience-inducing situations, close your eyes and return to that peaceful place in your mind. Count your blessings. Taking stock of all of the good things in your life – and saying a prayer of thankfulness for them – can calm and refresh you while putting a wait into perspective. Accept the inevitability of waiting. Like it or not, the world is full of overbooked doctors, crowded highways and slow sales clerks. Accept it, Get over it.
Alice Lesch Kelly is a health writer in Newton, Mass
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